If you grew up going to church in the 90s and you owned an NES, there’s a good chance your parents bought you Bible Adventures.
The game features three of the Bible’s most popular Old Testament stories as minigames of sorts. In “Noah’s Ark,” you collect two of every animal. Pigs, cows, snakes, monkeys – they’re all here! Noah’s controls are slippery, the animals are hard to pick up, and the overall process is tedious beyond reason. Get in the ark and never look back.
“Baby Moses” has you guiding Miriam, Moses’s sister, past Egyptian guards with baby Moses on top of her head. You have no attack, only a weak jump. If Miriam gets hurt, Moses flies off of her head. If you want to, you can finish the level without Moses, despite the fact that carrying him safely is the whole point of the game.
Then there’s “David and Goliath,” which should be a story of war and giant killing, but is instead a sheep collect-a-thon.
Indeed, the best thing about Bible Adventures is its baby blue cartridge. The game itself is bland dreck, an offense to its “inspiration.” If you’re going to place Bible stores into an entertainment medium, make said project entertaining. There’s no reason to give the Lord a bad name with yet another crappy Christian product.
PUBLISHER/DEVELOPER: Wisdom Tree GENRE: Platformer
RELEASE DATE: 1990 – (US)
ALSO AVAILABLE ON: GEN, PC