The Caveman Games might appear Olympic in nature, but there’s no glory in winning them.
Six events take you through the Ugh-lympics. In “Clubbing,” you bash your opponent’s head in, square and true. The first one to fall off the “fighting rock” wins. In “Dino Vault,” you run and leap over a bored T-Rex – or try to, anyway. This event is borderline unbeatable, thanks to the unforgiving controls. In “Saber Race” you and another caveman outrun a saber-toothed tiger. When you get close to the other caveman, beat him and he’ll fly back towards the tiger.
In that same malevolent spirit, the “Mate Toss” has you flinging your mate across the screen. The farther she goes, the more she’ll appreciate you! “Fire Start” is like starting a fire in real life: simple in theory and difficult in practice. Click rocks and make a fire with your NES pad. Or just light your NES pad on fire, same difference. “Dino Race” is the final event, an overly convoluted race between dinosaurs.
And what, pray tell, are the Caveman Games’ downfall? The ugly graphics (who wants to play as cavemen?), and the laborious controls, which require considerable practice to even learn. Why did NES developers feel the need to bog down simple actions with complex inputs? Oog cranky and over it.
PUBLISHER: Data East DEVELOPER: Dynamix (port by Data East)
GENRE: Minigame RELEASE DATE: 10/1990 – (US)
ALSO AVAILABLE ON: C64, PC